Was wondering today what song to choose for our 1st dance.I have a few options as listed, and definitely know that I want a swing orchestra, that is if we manage to find one in Hungary.With old school stuff, that everybody enjoys. Hate those weddings where suddenly after the cake is cut the disco thing happens.I think it takes away from the magic of the event.I like to party and all that but one can do that any weekend in a club, don't need my wedding for that.

Here's my List:

-Moon River
-I get a Kick out of You
-Blue Skies
-Beyond The Sea
-Over the Rainbow /What a Wonderful World

I love them all, just can't decide, was suggesting 'The Lady is a Tramp' to Df too cause I like the melody, but I think it might be slightly weird as a first song , hehe.But one thing is sure Frankie Sinatra will definitely be our inspiration when choosing the music.(Frankie&Ava, above)

Not to mention the dancing lessons we'll have to take,DF is a lovely dancer , the problem really is me , and the fact that when i dance I end up trying to lead every time. But in my phantasies I see us gliding over some imaginary dancefloor, just like professional ballroom dancers. If only sitting on the couch watching 'Dancing with the Stars' could teach that!

HMMM

I'm still hungover.Went out yesterday for a drink with DF and friends and then to a party (which was actually organized by my old University) and got quite drunk. People out there please never ever think of mixing raspberry martini, cider, and vodka orange!
Anyway it wasn't even too bad cause me and DF usually end up having a fight when we're both drunk but yesterday we didnt and all was ok. To his credit I tried but he was sweet and didnt go for it.

Except for the fact that I lost my phone at the party , and only noticed today at 12am when we woke up. AHHH so annoying , I never lost my phone before. Don't really care about the phone either , it was falling apart, and I'm not one to go for fancy phones so its wasnt worth much , but my sim card!!! I really really want it baack. my phone number is on all those cv's out there and I really need to keep my number, not to mention all the phone numbers on it. the whole thing really is pissing me off.Also its not like I can do much about it.Since no shop is open tmrw and on monday I'm working from 9 to 6 which doesnt exactly give me time to run around town for a new card.Am a little preoccupied with this now so not the best post ever.

For some reason I'm feeling this Sophia Loren picture tonight.Such amazing lighting and her face! I looove it , the make-up too, but the entire woman is just so sensual.For some reason I always; and I don't think this is unique just admire the old stars that much more, its the class I think. Loved Loren in pretty much everything and Rita Hayworth in Gilda singing ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7A-e7UnTa2k ) is the best scene in movies ever.Well that's debatable of course but hey I'll just throw this one out there.I don't remember what brought me to this topic , but I guess its partly that I'm thinking whether I should colour my hair red after the wedding. Too afraid to do anything to it before other than just let it grow. But after I would love to try red. Especially since with my pale skin I think it might just work. And if not I'll just put a silk scarf round it for a night,(very old Hollywood) and have it coloured back the next day.Its just that I always wanted to try red, never really blond ,the chemicals would completely ruin my hair, and i'd look washed out , not to mention that I think blond is a bit boring.Red on the other hand, very exciting, well thats just my oppinion.

On another note, my plan to switch to healthier eating today kind of backfired.Yeah I did have pasta with cukkinis&aubergines for lunch and then I went to the boulangerie near work an got myself an eclair au cafe as reward. In the evening the same, I had an artichoke and veggies for dinner and then went completely nuts with the box of homemade meringues.Pure SUGAR!well and pistacchios. I really have to start thinking about a diet that might work , in all seriousnes I have to loose 10 kg until the wedding.NO JOKE.But I figure why start now ,I'll start sarving 6 months before , should be enough , yeay.
On that fun note I think I better go to bed and out of the vicinity of the fridge.

Oh yeah had a call today , got another interview next week thursday, not having my hopes up too much, but hey if ever I get a job, I can always change the blog from wedding/job search to wedding/diet blog . Just as long as the wedding bit stays I'm ok.

I really am trying to post every day ,besides everything else I just think its great training , and good for me to keep this as a sort of diary, but with this job its hard, not even the job itself but commuting an hour and half each way, then by the time I would get to relax I should go to bed cause otherwise I'm tired again.It doesnt help that our upstairs neighbour is moving his furniture around until 3am every night, its so annoying especially as I'm a light sleeper.Seriously his noise keeps me up at night thinking what on earth he's on about in the middle of thye night, that could be so loud, maybe he's a sculptor, or a carpenter or furniture designer....etc.who knows but the other night i couldnt take it and stormed out in my pink fluffy bathrobe and silk nightie and told him that I actually had to get up pretty early.Must have been a beautiful sight.
The other thing that irks me today is that I got a call about another interview and didnt write down the company name correctly , so now I can't confirm the interview , can't look u the company , and will have to call the lady back sooo annoying and nobody to blame but me , huh . Will go watch an episode of Gilmore Girls before I fall into bed.At least it transports me into a happy place.

Slight Panic attack

Uh feeling a slight panic attack creeping in about the wedding. I know I have about 15 months to go and that's plenty , its just that there are way to many details to consider. And the fact that I'm sooo far away.I know I know there is time blah blah blah, but the place isn't booked yet, I have been to about one (1!) bridal dress shop , and haven't gotten back to the planner with our idea of a menu not to mention booking planner and catering ,oh yeah and the ideal photographer hasn't even gotten back to us, plus since we plan getting invitations from the US and have them shipped there by friends it all gets slightly complicated.And every time I see weddings featured in magazines my inner perfectionist (or brdezilla, call it what u want) kicks in and I have even more details floating in my mind that become all-important, right now those are : the vases for the tables , the wedding programs, perfect colour of beige-gold for bridesmaid dresses and oh so more ;-)

On a little diversionary note before I get completely insane over wedding things, I was at WH Smith's today with DF , and saw this book called La Patite Anglaise. Whats funny is that its written by this English girl who moved to France after her studies , had a child with a french guy and writes a blog about her life in Belleville ...So the entire book came about because she was writing her blog about her life inParis and is based about it. And back in college in Budapest when moving here was only in the planning phases I actually read her blog daily.OMG I so envy her. Though I can see how that would make sense too , so many people out there with this mythic idea about life in Paris. I might be slightly over my cynical breaking point to make life in Paris seem appealing to others.Oh well. I guess it just struck me because its a modern fairy tale come true. Girl writes blog, which literary agent reads, and gets offered book option, which then becomes bestseller.Ahhh

Other than that we had nice chilled out weekend even though I would have loved to leave the city it was quite nice to hang out together and watch a marathon of Strictly Come Dancing on BBC, very tacky and very fun to watch with Mr. Bitchy personified.And I managed to drag him to Angelina's today and make him wait in line for 20 min which was dangerously close to his patience's braking point.But, at least for me their hot chocolate totally made up for it.
Ah above you see my ideal setting for wedding dinner, now if only I could get my caterer there.

Happy Easter!

Ah yellow, the colour of Easter , the colour of happyness and of jelousy... Yeah I admit I'm jelous. Everybody is out of town on their little easter weekend trips, in London or Spain, and it really irks me that we get to stay in Paris. Im usually ok with DF's schedule and the late nights, but he works tonite and Monday night too, which makes it impossible for us to leave. I really feel sorry for myself.Especially since being stuck in the city in springtime already makes me feel like I'm missing out on this big event that is watching our garden bloom into Spring. So my general mood right now is that of irritation. How fun for DF. Feeling like I'm in the wrong city to ever get my career going doesn't help.

Ah well since buttery yellow is one of my favourite colours, and perfect for this time of the year. I thought I'll add this inspiration board from www.stylemepretty.com to lift my mood.I would have made it our wedding colour but DF vetoed it, cause it won't go with his ginger hair. Gotta love having a man with oppinions on style.That dress is just too cute though. Plus hey I just made myself an avocado mask so at least my skin will be glowing even if I'm not.;-)

What a beautiful day

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Finally managed to upload a picture from last Sunday's brunch.All I'm saying is that what you see on the table was about a third of the food we had.It was taken before we put out the bagles,eggs, bacon etc...Ps we bought so many eggs that we still got bout 20 left no idea what to do with them ;-)

Today, I slept till 10!I'm still tired a bit but I really had an enjoyable day, I woke up read a bit of Vogue and I was just contemplating what to do with my day, or whethe I should drag my booty to the gym , when a friend from one our Philippino circle of friends here calle and asked if I was still up for lunch. So we met in the 5th, which s absolute fave quartier, its very Paris and cute while still actually having some french people living there.And we had classic brasserie french for lunch. I had salad which sounds deceptively healthy till one sees the mounts of fois gras (hmmmm) that were piled on top of it.And it was really a sunny and beautiful day, which always cheers me up. So does the fact that I had work this week will have a bit of money at the end of the month and still get to enjoy a looong weekend.

Oh and happy Easter to everyone! Though I feel like Easter in the city is just not the same.We'll try to go to church on Sunday just to have something easterly, we'll see if we manage to actually do it. My mum and me used to go to the forest and get blooming branches than paint eggs and hag them on it . And I can see in my mind how our garden bach home is starting to wake up now. Mommy says she's got a new gardener , who looks like James Dean , cant wait to go home ;-)!

PS. Got my first Thank You note as a hostess , thanking me for last weeks brunch!Feels so grown up.

Nostalgia time

Am really exhausted. Poor mummy just called and I was so not up for talking to her. Usually I love chatting about everything n anything , she is after all my favourite person in the world. But when I'm on the phone all day with random people, I just dont wanna have phone conversations in my free time as well.But hey Friday is holliday in the UK n Germany so I'm FREE!!

Just had dinner with one of my newish friends here in Paris n we were talking of what is on top of our wishlist right now. Mine is topped (besides all the wedding stuff) by this vanity.Somehow having a vanity just epitomizes becoming a real woman to me. It just beats everything, to have an entire table devoted just to beautifying rituals.Also it is very nostalgic to me.My mum is a very fuss free woman,(not much make-up, no heels)it was at my German grandma's house , where I spent most of the summers of my childhood , that I discovered all the rituals that make woman.She took me with her everywere, to the facialist pedicure, massages...it was so fascinating for me as a little girl.
And she had a vanity,it was like wonderbox , all those nooks and crannies full of jewellry, belts, gloves. The perfume bottles all lined up neatly , the bowls full of her ear-clips (it was after all the 80's) long pearl and gold necklaces hanging off the mirror.I was busying around it for hours. Once all her hair equipment inspired me to cut my own hair... now that was a tragic day;-)I tried on her jewellery , the cheap stuff, but also knew where to look for the more exciting things.No wonder poor DF has to buy me jewellery for almost every occasion.( AND I'm quite fussy)

Anyway but I really miss her she was such a formidable woman , always in high heels,with fuchsia pink coat, or some other carefully selected outfit.Back than in eastern Germany quite an effort. And she always bought mum n me lots of clothes , that we all tried on in a family fashion show after shopping trips :-)Her natural hair was the same thick dark brown hair as me, but I have never in my life seen her other than platinum blonde.And though she had her annoying habits , I so wish she was still around , I know she would love to see me marry and help prepare the wedding.So back to the vanity, I feel like somehow once I'll have mine I will feel a bit closer to becoming the lady that was my grandmother.

Dont know what brought on the nostalgia , I think it might have to do with the fact that I speak German all day, brings back memories somehow.

Ps. I found the perfect one too on www.bathroomgraffity.com see pic but with 870 eur it's way over my budget for indulgences at the moment ;-(

AHHH Monday and I'm already tired, its just the freakin travelling there and from work that gets to me. It's like at point 7 in the morning the entire city is on it's way from one end to the other , just crossing Chatelet is pure insanity.I wish I could find something within the city , oh whatever I wish I could find a proper job . Period. Wherever.

What a surprise work today was boring , again , just calling people all day.But I am moving fast through what I've got to do and am almost certain that I will finish ahead of the time they thought , I mean this job is meant to be for two weeks n I'm pretty sure I'll be done this weeks.In a way even if it means less money I'd be releived. Don't know whats wrong with French offices but the atmosphere just kills me.Before I went to University I did a horrible telemarketing job for a year and it truly sucked , but at least the people working there were fun and everybody had the feeling that we were in it together , and the managers gave pep talks n stuff.Those people were fun , the work was the same but it makes such a difference with whom you work. Beside all the other important stuff it really is one of the aspect in finding a job that matters to me.Alas beggars can't be choosers.

But had good news today too. One of my longtime friends back from high-school got engaged.I am sooo happy for her especially cause she was really hoping for it lately and FINALLY! He proposed in a very cute way too , I'm almost jelous. And matched the ring's stone to her blue eyes. Its such a sweet touch.
Of course the whole thing sparked a bit of drama too right away, as some of us are a bit disappointed that she won't have a big wedding.And although I really truly understand the reasons behind it,budget , better honeymoon, more intimacy... It makes me a bit sad for one because I think its nice to celebrate your wedding with the people who have been there for you through all those relationships that went wrong or just didn't hold up. The girls who listened to the drama, the obsessions etc. For me having those girls at my wedding is important. Of course there is the other reason, the fact that (hopefully) this is the one chance one get at a wedding. Why miss out on the first dance, the bouquet throwing , the best man's speech and all those other special moments you will only have once.

Having said all that, my parents got married with only two friends at their wedding, (to sign the papers) and me. I was 1 year old and at my parents elopement. Can hardly get more unconventional than that.Weddings are such an intimate issue that in the end everybody should just do whatever they want, and everybody else can go to hell ;-)!

BTW brunch yesterday was amazing, it was intimate (only 7 of us)but we got to see a friend of DF's we havent seen in such a long time and his girlfriend who is pregnant with their surprise baby.She is so cute and I really enjoyed seeing how being with her and having this new chapter in his life changed him it was a funny afternoon, and they all managed to eat through about half the mountain of muffins I baked in my overzealousness.
So in memory of it(and because DF hasn't uploaded yesterday's pics) I'll include one of my fave images from CondeNast.com. Its meant to be an afternoon tea, but hey could be a brunch, I so wish I'd live in the time of high tea and those lovely dresses.

Things are GOOD!

GOD I love weekends, even more so now that I have some work, DF properly made up for his recent grumpyness , he was really sweet on Friday when I got back from work , let me relax n chill out and then took me for nice dinner, we didn't have diner the two us alone for such a long time and it was lovely to go out, spend some time together and eat lotsa meat sauce n mashed potatoes :-). On the way home we got two big tubs of Ben&Jerry's, got home n watched 'As Good As It Gets' for the millionth time. All in all a pretty perfect evening.

Yesterday tho was a bit stressful cleaning apartment shoppig for brunch then I went to pick up that blouse I had been wanting for quite some time n the new Vogue. Then came home n collapsed reading the mag. But I do feel slightly ambivalent bout them 660 pages of VOGUE?! try 640 pages of advertising with 20 pages of Vogue, but what can I do, boycotting them so far never worked. I always give in an buy them anyway.

So now we are preparing brunch for 8 people , its so much fun, the fridge is filled I have been making muffins since 10 and the apartment filled with flowers.I really am in love with ranunculuses, they are sooo pretty,like a mixture of roses and poppys . I would thin of using them for the wedding instead of roses, if I knew that they were actually known in Hungary.Gotta go back to baking now.

Back to the Front

Today I got up at 7 am, found my way through morning crazyness in Paris, even found the place and was on time.Then made 240!!! phonecalls in the course of the day , fought my way back home through the streams of people at 6pm, and thats it. I'm exhausted and I remember why I hated my one previous calling job years ago.Thank GOD its only 2 weeks.At least Germans are a nice folk on the phone, which one can't say bout the Swiss or French, oh well thats it for today I'm tired.Added a pretty spring-y pic to make myself n whoever might read this happy.Spring is coming,YEAY!

ps.DF not very understanding lately , dunno whats up with him.

WOW going for interviews in this city seems like being on a really bizarre gameshow. At least this afternoon felt like it. First they call me at the last minute, tell me that the meeting has to be half an hour later, so I had to walk around the area for half an hour,since doing anything worthwile for that time is impossible.Then they leave me in this HUGE white room alone for 15 minutes before the person inerviewing me finally comes in.Thats not even the bizarre part, so the interviewer was this tall young french woman who is obviously a recruiter and not actually from the company i'd be working for,and the entire time that we were speaking, there was NO reaction on her face whatsoever, I was nice and as charming as I could be, but GOD having no facial movement on her and no feedback at all really freaked me out.It was like she was an interviewing robot.Not to mention the fact that it was all in french which made it even more scary, but I did pretty good, was pretty fluent, it was only a few times that I didnt find the right word or got stuck but it worked out ok.Ah but I soo hate tose freakin cliche questions, like 'If we were to call your former boss what would she say are your weaknesses?' or where do you see yourself in 5 years or what do you think is your negative attribute. Seriously I really dont think how that contributes to the process. I don't think anyone in their right mind would answer something like my biggest weakness is that i'm not really ambitous n actually I'm quite lazy too ;-). Or in 5 years time I'd like to be home with a baby, or frankly I'm just perfect. Of course I didnt say that but I hate it anyway. Plus interviewing in English feels like I have some sort of control over where the conversation is going and can actually shape my answers in an eloquent fashion , but its nnoying that in French I really am just happy to have understood the question and answer it in a somewhat fluent manner. Frustrating, is all I can say. Especially since I really think I'd be great for the job. It's coordinator for their new German website, I speak German, like the internet love fashion and coordinating stuff.
Oh well there still may be some hope.Maybe I should tell DF to tell his mum to pray for it. They are quite believing and on some level I believe in it too, maybe it could help.
Other than that I am a bit nervous tmrw I have to get up at 7am (!!!) and head to work again, even if it is temporary it makes me feel quite good to have sthing to do. And I'm excited to be in a new environment, even if the job itself won't be too exciting.We'll see.
I still have to organize the brunch on Sunday and get the apartment to work out. It really irritates me tho that DF isn't good at keepings things together at home, plus we've been living here for more than half a year and still dont have those f*****g nails in the wall to hang up picures and mirror . So annoyed at that!! I might just go n buy a hammer and nails n do it myself , tho he says it must be done with a drill. Well I'm close to not caring.
Oh and I managed to go to the gym today, at least somethibng I can be proud of.

PS. The picture is from www.condenast.com, it is an old cover one can buy and I love it looks so pretty and rosy ,just like my future! Hopefully! ;-)

New possibilities

My lovely quaint shopping day got twisted a little when I got two phone calls this morning. So I had a temp agency calling me just after DF left, offering me a three week job where I have to update a database in German. 10 min after I get another call instant interviewing me for a job at this internet company called ventes-privee.com. It's basically a website offering private sales (fashion, cuttlery anything but good names) online to invited members.They apparently want to open sites in Germany and the UK and are looking for somebody coordinating here with the fashion houses etc and the German site. I dont know details yet but it sounds great and seems to have some German knowledge involved. It just a bit sad cause after the last desaster with an interview in French (didn't get the job btw) I barely hope that this one will work out, and this one would actually fit nicely into my field, experiences etc , but hey no harm in trying.So tmrw afternoon is the interview and thursday I would already start the temp job. Its an hour from here, outside the city, plus I dont neccesarily look forward to being on the phone all day , but at least its in german and I get out of here n earn a little bit of money. (very little!) But the great thing is that the calls show that monster.com actually works!

DF is happy for me , only a bit disgruntled that he won't have Friday with me, his free day ths week.Honestly I dont mind so much, quite a few days of the last week when he was at home in the afternoon he barely spoke to me, just doing his brokering stuff on FOREX. So I have the feeling that he takes me and the fact that I'm around so much for granted. Well now for 3 weeks we'll only see each oher on weekends and after midnight.We didnt have any other problems lately and everything else goes quite smoothly, but hey we are only engaged,if he doesnt appreciate my presence now than when will he?!

Anyway after my interview at the temp agency I did go and buy myself that dress and silk blouse, DF loves both and so do I. The dress is perfect for all occasions, I will wear t to the interview tmrw, and the blouse is perfect for drinks wth friends and not too sey , so it can go anywhere, with a skirt even to work.Love the dark blue colour too,its so cute with gold jewellery n classy with pearls. But ZARA hOME really pissed me off, I get that they have a new collection of Home accesories but the china, for God's sake!plates brake, n I dont want to always buy a new set, uhh will have to think of sthing for the brunch. I have 11 guests n only 5 plates of each size.At my friends B-day party last year she had nice bamboo party plates, but really dont remember where she found them. oh well
I f I work Thurday n Friday won't have too much time to worry bout it. Have so many stuff I would love to fix and beautify in our apartment but we just never get round to it. On merthastewart.com I found these lovely images of pretty much my dream living room and bedroom. Tho DF might find the bedroom a bit too girly budoir. Hopefully one day....

this'n that

Its incredibly stormy windy and wet here, so that it turned into another day when I'm not leaving the house.But tomorrow rain or shine I'm braving the weather. My mommy phoned me this morning and told me that since she was sorry for me not having shopped since christmas (not striktly true)she sent me funds for those cute zara stuff I saw last week but didn't buy.The money I had back then has since vanished as we did weekend goceries and such.What can I say , my mom is amazing and I am a spoiled brat. But hey a girl's gotta have some fun once in a while. So tmrw whatever weather may come I'm outta here.

Also planning a brunch for friends next Sunday , so I gotta head to ZARA HOME, to pick up some plates, we got our china there and I hope they still have the same design.Im going into full Martha Stewart mode over that brunch, already know what I'm baking,two kinds of muffin & french toast & vodka raspberry shakes, what flowers with which vase I want...;scary I know.DF deals with the booze n savoury stuff so tha's sorted, but I'm worried bout where ppl will sit. We only invited 8 but I don't want to have seated brunch so it will be ppl sitting on the sofa ,n chairs but what if thats not enough and the dinig chairs are a bit stiff so maybe I'll get some floor cushions. Ok enough of this.

Yesterday afternoon while DF fell into a comatose nap(4hours!)I got thinking about my last post. Maybe I was too harsh on other people and their relationships. I mean I was single, well not really single but dating, for three years and really made so many stupid decisions about men. Had quite a few relationships where I was the delusioal one ,where there was really no way it was going to work out and I still stayed and tried.In the end it is all those failed ones that make me appreciate and actually recognize what I have with DF. So for some of my friends who In my humble oppinion dont make the right decisions or are not in a happy situation, I came to the conclusion that hopefully its a journey they have to go through and that will hoefully make them smarter and in the end happier with their choices.

The only other addage to that is only that whatever style of relationship people choose, whether it is open, or a fuckbuddy or a commited relationship , the only thig that is important to me s that the situation should make u happy and there should be a balanced power relation betwen the people involved.Thats my two cents of he day on relationships.

Now that I have BS'd my way through this I get to share some more wedding stuff ( always cheers me up) so although it is not 100% yet, the pictures above are where DF n me might get to spend our honeymoon. Its Carmel in CA, where the family of a friend of us has a house and they would let us their guest house. I am so excited about this since it would be my 1st time in the US, it's meant to be really pretty and in June our only other option was Europe (monsoons in Asia) and that would have been boring. So if it works out I'll be sooo happy.

PS: The pictures are from Carmel's official site.

Other People's Drama

Drama drama drama... well I'm happy to report that for once its not in my life. But not having dated for two years now, and having had quite extensive dating experiences before that, I really dont get it.I mean what do people think?! Just heard too many bad dating stories lately, it just seems quite a few people in this world are delusional or something. And I really don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings here. Quite frankly I almost hope nobody reads this.

So one of my friends thinks that a guy she has seen about three times in the last three months, and hasn't called her for days after the last nite they spent together, is going to be the man of her life.Seriously.....no, SERIOUSLY!
OK, so if all laws of the dating universe will reverse there might be a chance in hell for that, but why waste so much energy so much emotion on the matter. I'm not saying that I have never obsessed over a guy in my life , but quite often I'd say a man's actions speak for themselves , and though there might be a myth out there where a man clearly doesn't show a sign of wanting to be together with a girl and then suddenly over night changes his behaviour, the whole sitution just seems a bit too screwed up. The thing is a have had fuck-buddys (hope mum doesnt read this)but that's the guys I didnt obsess about.Plus one minor detail, one thing a fuck-buddy should deliver on a reguler basis is guess what :to f***k you!So if thats not happening really whats the point.

Im kinda sorry dont really want to hurt anyone's feelings the situation just gets to me, especially after reading this blog on glamour.com, called 'Man needs date' .Now that is a man with unbelievable amounts of stupidity and just plain malice!Wow; the guy goes on a date with a girl and while standing next to her starts holding the hand of another girl cos he thinks she's cute.And worse, all in the blog. Anyway there is more out there, amongst my friends too, but I should really rather spend the blog writing bout my own 'fun' situation.
Especially since I manage to send exactly ONE job application so far today.For some reason the sun was just gone all day and the entire city under my balcony was immersed in a milky shade of grey , made me feel like not moving all day and didn't even drag myself to the gym.

At least I'm reading this really great book by Siri Hustvedt right now called 'What I loved'.I didnt find the beginning so gripping but the writing is just so masterul i kept reading and this morning t suddenly took a turn and I got completely immersed.I love when a book does that and you just can't stop flickin those pages and if it is an actually wothwile book, and not some stupid chick lit all the better.I have wanted to read this one for ages cause I really liked the title but a well written book needs attention and will to get immersed and feeling completely intellectually starved its the perfect time. I think i'd quite like to try some Paul Auster after this would be interesting whether their styles show some paralells.So that is something right now that makes me content.

Things are going quite well with DF too, we are planning on a calm,chilled weekend so the poor guy gets to relax a bit.I really enjoy living with him, theree are moments, that it hits me how well our personalities and our humour mix.And I think we are both quite lucky to have found each other, but at the same time I think to have a meaningful relationship and to be happy, not just with another person but with oneself is a choice we make. Not always consciously, but I do believe it isn't fate only or serendipidity or luck , but a choice that comes from us.

Grey grey day

After having a few drinks with friends last night ar Harry's Bar, I had to drag myself out today early to send the letter in french detailing why I want the job in London. I know... in FRENCH!! I mean French is the reason I want to work there in the first place , to get away from not speaking that language perfectly . So then I get a call from the recruiter telling me that the letter is good, and that she's going to present me as a candidate.An hour later she calles me that the pr agency decided to reject me because I'm not a NATIVE ENGLISH speaker!!! I mean what the f**k!!First I have to jump through hoops with the French and then the reason for rejecting me is my English?! I probably speak a higher level of English than some natives , not to mention the fact that my English at the moment is probably better than my actual native language German. So much to that.

Then I decided on some retail therapy and wanted to pick up this cute polka-dot silk blouse I had in mind for weeks, but for some weird reason my card didnt work even though I had money on it.Hate when that happens. At least me n DF had a nice lil snack n movie. And on my way home I decied to pop into Zara and their new spring stuff are actually cute. So I picked some stuff , but then the line to to pay was so long tht I just left everything. Hah all in all except the time with DF a bit of a disappointing day. But I when I just tried to go on the zara.com website I discovered their zara home collection website which right away made me want to redecorate thats where I found these fake diamonds which are so cute, and the glass perfume bottles , very budoir. Makes me want to go to Madeleine to their store tmrw!

Moving on ???

AHHH , I signed up on monster.com yesterday and sent my CV to an ad for a job in London that looked quite interesting, and today they called me. It was a weird phone interview and the job requires french so until tmrw I have to write a motivatioal letter in french for the job. Its just another hoop to jump through but I am quite excited and a bit anxious at the same time. Since that last black day I had quite a strong feeling that my career is just not in France, I just have a feeling that its not here that it is going to happen. But of course that has so many consequences , moving , money, stress. And DF who always imagined his life here, I just hope that if it were t happen our relationship would survive it. Oh another thing I just got an e-mail from the language school I applied for, I should go in on friday an do a trial lesson with lesson plan etc. the pay they offer is so bad im not sure its worth making so much effort but of course I should just do it if for nothing else than for the experience.

Cravings

Ahhh so I went to the gym, and whilst killing myself (well not so much got off after 7 min) on the rowing machine I was thinking about all those people who could legitimately slack off at home and it hit me WRITERS!! And as I was thinking that I started developing a plot (ok so its not exactly complete yet).I really miss that bit of intellectual stimulation that University delivered and reading the Economist somehow doen't do it anymore so I decided to start writing a novel. I've had a math teacher who has published quite a few books and when I asked him how he started, he just told me that the the way he looked at it was, taking little steps consistently. So if he wrote a page every day for a year , that meant he had a book by the end.I really like that thinking ,it only takes consistency and a bit at a time.Well I'll see how far I'll get on that.But one thing is for sure unless he reads it here I won't tell DF since he hasn't exactly been complimentary of my intellect lately.I really can't use any more criticism.

The other issue I was thinking about is the fact that all these guys around seem to have developed particular men's habits.My DF is on FOREX whenever he's home,trying to make money with more or less success.Another friend's BF is hooked on ebay , buying stuff till he cant pay their rent.lovely is all I can say to that...And my mum's partner is really into buying crazy real estate.There must be some kind of instictual explanation behind that.

Ok so that's that I really really have a craving for sweets right now , like proper patisserie. Thank God everything is closed by now but hey I'll put up a pic of dreamy Laduree stuff just to look , and guaranteed without the calories and I'll go back trying to track down suitable positions on monster.com or reading my book...

More Wedding Stuff

So I should send CV's, I should go to the gym, I should do the washing up.... Instead I am online again looking through Stylemepretty.com, marthastewart.com and laduree.com.Yeah well I got 4 negative responses to the CV's I sent yesterday so I needed to deal with something pretty and nice.I still think I should definitely include the macarons from Laduree somehow , whether in the dessert or as a pyramide I dont know yet , but they are simply the best macarons and Laduree is one of my fave places in Paris.

I also found a cake on Marthastewart.com that I adore, Its simple but would fit well into the gold color scheme. So do the Louboutin's just a bit worried they aren't delicate enough , but hey I've got another year to work that out. Oh and the inspiration board is from zenadia, I'm just including it cause it has the perfect birdcage veil. I suppose that's enough of wedding pic's for one day. I hope I'll make up my mind to write of something else later. Like how ridiculous guy's habits can be!

Just another day...

I am quite content , have sent a few more CV's though sometimes doupt if it even matters.But I guess I shouldnt give up. Miss Budapest a lot today ,my home and my mum's dog and my cats . Its so hard having grown up with animals around and not having them now. Especially since DF is never at home in the evening. His mother heard from his aunt that I wasnt in a good mood and a bit depressed and even offered to buy us a kitten.I would so love one but we always rationalize it. That the apartment is too small, we travel too often ,that if I get a job nobody will be there to take care of it and if ever I was to get a job in London there is always quarantene. But then again I have been at home for the last two months and could hve easily taken care of one. Oh well I wish I could legitimately be a housewife , have a baby, a dog and a cat to take care of and just enjoy it. >But of course first I have to earn money prove myself etc. Sometimes I really wish I would have lived in the 19th century. At least then, taking care of a household was a respected position for a woman and not just seen as slacking off. Ok so today's is a very unfeminist post.

Wedding Inspiration

So that is the dress I love. I think it would be perfect for my body type, and I like that it is lovely and beautiful without being too meringue or showy. I really hate the sexy sexy bride look. I mean who wants a blushing priest?! Plus I love lace for wedding dresses its such a hard fabric to pull off, but is perfect for weddings. I also decided that I'd like a birdcage veil with a flower on the side , cause it is sooo glamorous, and gold shoes! If I am to spend 600 eur on Loubutins for my wedding I want to be able towear them again. And white satin shoes just get ruined. I think these would be purrrfect and would make me soo much taller uh can't wait.

Rilke

Der Panther

Im Jardin des Plantes, Paris

Sein Blick ist vom Vorubergehn der Stabe
so mud gerworden, das er nichts mehr halt.
Ihm ist, als ob es tausend Stabe gabe
und hinter tausend Staben keine Welt.

Def weiche Gang geschmeidig starker Schritte,
der sich im allerkleinsten Kreise dreht,
ist wie ein Tanz von Kraft um eine Mitte,
in der betaubt ein grosser Wille steht.

Nur manchmal schiebt der Vorhang der Pupille
sich lautlos auf-.Dann geht ein Bild hinein,
geht durch der Glieder angespannte Stille-
und hort im Herzen auf zu sein.

The Panther

In the Jardin des Plantes , Paris

His gaze has grown so tired from the bars
passing, it can't hold anything anymore.
It is as if there were a thousand bars
and behind a thousand bars nothing.

The soft gait of powerful supple strides,
which turns in the smallest of all circles,
is like a dance of strengh around a center
where an imperious will stands stunned.

Only at times the curtain of the pupils
silently opens-.Then an image enters,
passes through the taut stillness of the limbs-
and in the heart ceases to be.


I just wanted to include that poem since it's my absolute favourite. I am so sad though that the original's melody does not translate to english , it is tha same thing with many of Goethe's poems too.But nevertheless I just needed to include it.
At some point I'd like to include some of my own poems though of course not right after Rilke, THAT I just couldn't plus I really like my poems and standing next to a masterpiece could only hurt them.

Well as for the rest of my life the black day has passed and I have new hope though God knows from where.In any case it just has to go on.I will send more CV's apply for more openings and if all else fails well I still have my wedding to think of. Also my mother just told me that she will get married to her longtime partner and I am so happy for her.